I’ve always written … as a child I used to invent whole worlds and communities on paper … these worlds were meticulously planned from inhabitants , clothes , the foods they ate, the songs they sang and the things they did … I would invent them , write them , draw them , then sit in the shed and daydream about being there and all the things I would do there ! Once I’d had my fill of that world .. I would invent another and the dream would regenerate itself .. just so !
As I got older I progressed onto poetry , I wrote poems about everything and anything … rhyming poems but mostly not , even managing to get a couple published in poetry collections ! I loved the idea of being a poet , the romanticism of poetry and prose .. As a Theatre & English Lit student I felt all at peace with the world when ensconced in a poetic moment .. my usual maudlin melancholy lifting as I was swept off into a world of words ….
Then life began to overtake me … University , work , children , husband , more children , house moves , shopping , budgeting , working , working ,working … I think I began to forget I had ever existed . I started to blog which was my way of putting a bit of me back into me … rediscovering life and lost loves … finding new things and being a new person , well not new , just a newer version of me … It’s so easy to hide behind a computer screen and talk ! But then I let that slide away into an abyss of suffocating proportions ! I forgot to blog , I forgot me .. again !! My confidence hit an all time low , I had convinced myself that no-one would be the slightest bit interested in me or indeed anything I had to say or share , any recipes I had to showcase or … well anything ! So I sank back into obscurity …my blog becoming a place to write and not actually say much . This made me sad … it had become a chore and I didn’t want to be ridiculed so I resorted in just posting and running as it were …
But just recently I have decided that actually , I enjoy writing , I always have … so why change ?? Who cares if people don’t read it , who cares if people ridicule it … this is my writing for me … and to be honest , yes , I would love everyone to love my writing as much as I do … so I won’t just post & run .. I will get my waffly old self back out there in the bloggersphere … and I will write that cookbook and that novel that’s inside me … ! The confidence is still a work in progress and I’m sure I will still look at other peoples work and wish I could be as high profile , as good as , as confident and as self assured as they are .. I’m only human after all ! The difference is this time I know I am as good as them …just different .. in my own inimitable style !!
So , I’m building my confidence .. I’m Rediscovering Ju … I’m writing because I enjoy it and I will continue to do this … I will write that novel … I will write that book … and even if i’m the only blummin’ person in the world to read them ! So the faff what ….